Room 203: Friday Evening

[mother_forker]

Somehow, someone thought Eleanor should be a big sibling to another student. This was utterly ridiculous.

Then again, Eleanor thought about her blonde albino sister and the words of advice and warnings Lana had given her.

So. With the help of some cheap margarita mix and tequila, Eleanor decided to give this sibling thing her best shot. And for the first time since she got to Fandom, Eleanor actually worked on something worthwhile.

So you've decided to go to school here. Congratulations. This place is forked up. And when I say "forked" I don't mean the thing you eat with. I mean when you get with someone else and bump the ugly bits until you want a cigarette afterwards. If that's your thing. Personally I get hungry and want a box of ho-hos. Don't judge.

Anyway, if you're looking for a weird experience that no one will believe about back home. This is the place. But the thing to remember about this place is that there are good things, bad things and things that are just forking weird. So. As your big sibling, I have written these things down so you don't make the same mistakes I have. Shirt, this might be the only work I've actually done in Fandom so take this forking thing to heart.

1. This place is apparently a weird dimensional Lexus. Or nexus. People from all of the forking universe get here. Some don't want to be here and some do. We got aliens, humans, animals that talk and people from another time that set pastries on fire for no good reason.


2. No, I'm not forking with you. It's true. Come back to me in a few days if you don't believe me.


3. There are apparently gremlins that live in the HVAC. They bite you and you think you're someone else for a few hours and embarrass yourself. Hasn't happened to me but be on the look out.


4. Apparently everyone here at one point wakes up as a different sex. Keep a set of clothes for yourself. No I'm not lying. This one did happen to me.


6. There are weekends where you completely change and become someone else. Then you wake up on Monday with regrets. Don't worry about it, everyone goes through it.


7. There are also weekends where everyone gets super dramatic and unbelievable shirt happens. It's like a Telenovela on steroids but in English. With supernatural shirt.


8. After a random school dance, your kids from alternate realities show up and surprise you when you're naked with someone. Everyone is surprised by this even though it happens every year. So just always wear clothes to bed.


9. Monsters are apparently real and occasionally like to stir up shirt in Fandom. Some people go out to fight it. I stay in my room and drink. Feel free to join me.


10. Occasionally the laundry machines go on strike and then steal all your clothes. Make sure you have clean linens to wear as a toga.


11. On random days anything BUT water can come out of the tap. Beer. Lemonade. Coffee. Check the water before you take a shower.


12. Once a year or so there's a week where everyone is incredibly horny. Be prepared and have "supplies" ready.


13. Dite's Decadent Delights is a great place to get said "supplies".


14. J'GOB makes the best forking pastries I've ever tasted.


15. If you need furniture there's an island down the way that is just an IKEA. And they make those meatballs.


16. There's free breakfast in the 3rd floor common room every Monday. Wayne makes it and he's a pretty nice guy and a better person than I am. Don't forking told him I said that.


17. Watch out for Jaye Tyler. She's a teacher and a truant officer. Possibly with freaky superpowers.


18. Caritas is a bar on the island that doesn't card or care about the drinking age. You're welcome.


19. Caritas also has zombies. Yeah. They're real. Don't worry they apparently are vegan or something.


20. Kitty Pryde-Barton owns Caritas and is pretty cool but she does not give out free drinks on your birthday.


21. Summer works at Caritas on Wednesdays and is pretty cool. She also makes delish jello shots. Well I think they wrong. Your mileage may vary.


22. Don't go to the Devil's Nest unless you are over 21.


23. Apparently the actual devil works at the Devil's Nest. If you believe in that shirt you may want to avoid that place.


24. Does that mean there's a God? Beats the shirt out of me. I'm so forking drunk at the moment and I'm get all philosophical and shirt.


25. The Devil's Nest also has a vampire. And doesn't like people with fake IDs. Yes, vampires are real too.


26. I guess that means werewolfs are real too.


27. If you leave piles of clothes around the room, fairies will come and hide booze under them.


28. Apparently the squirrels here can read, write and drink rum. They also spy on us and write that shirt up so people like Tahani can be all judgemental about us on the radio


29. Tahani thinks she's soooooo better than the rest of us with her clothes, her hair, her legs and wooo that's strong tequlia


30. How do the squirrels even forking write? Do they have tiny pencils and tiny pads of paper? I never see them do it but apparently they do.


31. Apparently rats show up dressed as pirates just to make a bad pun come to life.


32. Okay, the room is beginning to spin so I probably should stop drinking and writing now. If you get freaked out over the shirt here, I'll try and help out. I'm not really great at it but I'll give it my best shot.