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mother_forkerThere are certain essential truths to the universe. One of them is that TV’s Scott Wolf is a hottie and if there is any disagreement on that topic, Eleanor will cut you.
Well, she’ll say she’d cut you but chances are she’d just call you “basic” and strut away feeling triumphant in her successful winning of said argument.
Now you might think that Eleanor had been spending her time away from Fandom doing something productive towards the betterment of society. If you did then you don’t really know Eleanor.
Eleanor had spent most of her spring and summer “vacation” from school doing what all young girls should do:
1. Scalping epipens on the black market.
2. Got a lifetime ban from the Build-A-Bear workshop.
3. Briefly flirted with Kid Rock on Instagram.
4. And finally she was banned from babysitting in the city of Elkridge for allowing a 9 year old girl to watch “The Shining” and “Doctor Sleep” in one sitting.
However it’s her most recent escapade that has all of Eleanor’s very short attention span: Her most recent attempt to scam the Make-A-Wish foundation into meeting Scott Wolf. It involved a very long application process that she had given up on twice and then finally finished and mailed off in a drunken evening that involved tequila and the above mentioned flirtation with Kid Rock.
Miracles of miracles, her make-a-wish application was granted. Which is why Eleanor was at The Gallery Mall in Baltimore, near the Sunglass Hut waiting for Scott Wolf to appear in her best “I’m very sick but also very bangable” outfit. Really it was just her usual outfit but she added a scarf around her head to hide her “bald” head.
“C’mon Scottie,” Eleanor said as she redid her lip gloss. “Time for you to join this party of five.”
That last statement made sense in her head. Don’t question it.
Jaye, meanwhile, was here under duress. And by duress, that meant she'd been guided here in a series of misadventures thanks to every animal-related thing in this damn mall, which is also why she had some Orange Julius sprayed on her, it was a long story, she didn't want to talk about it. But apparently she had to "get some shade," and so she was here, wandering and trying to figure out what she was supposed to do now.
While wandering, she might've bumped into the be-scarfed girl a bit.
It wasn’t much of a bump but it was enough to muck up the sloppy scarf turban Eleanor had put together earlier.
“Hey watch where you’re going!” Eleanor said as she tried to get her hair tucked back into her scarf. “I swear if you ruin this for me, I’ll-”
And then she stopped. And sniffed. “Why do I smell oranges and bananas?”
"That's… not important," Jaye said, and don't mind her being really grateful for something to distract from that, even if she'd be less grateful once she figured out what was up. "Uh, what's with the scarf?"
Eleanor immediately looked shifty. “It’s a trend. Looking sick and bald is a new thing,” she lied as she tried to shove another strand of hair under the scarf. “I’m trying this out before actually shaving my head. Have you considered it? You’d look amazing bald.”
"That is not a question anyone has ever asked before," Jaye said, frowning so hard. Just so hard. "Looking sick as a trend was more of a 90's thing, anyway."
She sort of hated herself for saying that? Just because she hated that she knew that.
“Sheez. Judgey much?” Eleanor said, rolling her eyes. “Look, move along. I’m meeting someone and you’re ruining my vibe.”
Eleanor immediately shifted into looking sicker than she actually was with a mopey expression and emitting a horrible fake cough.
"Bring her back."
Jaye looked around, knowing from that little cartoony deep voice what was happening but needing to see who the culprit was. And to her horror, some tween girl was wearing a shirt that had an anthropomorphic wolf designed to look like the actor, which was now telling her, "Bring her back."
The Scott Wolf wolf of course sounded like Scott Wolf, and this was now a horror show.
"Where?" Jaye asked, frowning at the girl's shirt.
“I don’t know,” Eleanor said trying to get the Orange Julius girl away from her. “There’s a closed Gap Kids over there. Stop being creepy by me and go hassle someone over there.”
"Bring her back."
Jaye sighed. "Are you supposed to be somewhere right now?" she asked. "Somewhere where you're not faking illness to get close to some dimples?"
Eleanor turned and looked at the woman breaking the unspoken code of “never get in the way of meeting Scott Wolf at a Sunglass Hut.” There was no actual code for this but Eleanor decided there should be one.
“Listen, I’d ask if you were my mother right now but you don’t have bleached hair and you’re not pretending to be my sister,” she replied. “Unless you’re trying to hit me up for epipens. If that’s the case meet me outside the Hot Topic in an hour and a half. Cash only.”
Jaye glared at the wolf shirt. The girl wearing said wolf shirt was becoming very uncomfortable.
"Look," Jaye said, "I'm gonna need you to come with me. Security reasons."
Sure, why not.
Eleanor looked Jaye up and down. “You don’t look like a cop. Or a mall guard, Or… anything for that matter.” Eleanor said disagreeably. “And if you’re a cop this is total BS and entrapment.”
It was not entrapment at all. Not even close.
"It's not entrapment if I didn't know you were going to fake cancer," Jaye said, way too loudly.
Eleanor’s posture went from “pretend sick girl” to “Oh shit! Who heard that?!” She whipped her head around just to make sure that Scott Wolf was nowhere nearby which of course caused her scarf to come loose along with some of the hair she had tucked into it. “SHIT!”
She immediately started to try and tug Jaye over to the side. “Okay, look, I may not be Gypsy Rose Blanchard but Scott Wolf will be here any moment. I just want to meet him, gush over him and that’s that. It’s a victimless crime!”
The people at the Make-A-Wish Foundation may disagree with that.
"You could have done that without the scarf!" Jaye pointed out. How were you more terrible than her, Eleanor? "Listen, we need to go."
Because the girl with the shirt was going to say something to her mom any minute.
“Go where creepy lady?” Eleanor said, pulling away. Was that the hairline of Scott Wolf approaching? Eleanor had to get rid of the creepy woman quickly. Best way to do that? Be creepier and weirder. “And don’t tell me you’re not creepy,” she said waving her finger at said creepy lady. “You keep looking at that girl and that's just weird. Weirder than vampires who run bars that never serve you free booze on your birthday. And don’t tell me that vampires aren’t real because they are and so are zombies. They both live at different bars in their own undead fashion. So shoo because Scott Wolf is coming.”
Aha! Jaye's jaw dropped, and she pointed semi-accusingly at Eleanor. "Aha! You're supposed to be in Fandom! I'm supposed to take you back to Fandom!"
She glanced over at the shirt girl, who had folded her arms over her chest, and honestly that was probably for the best for everyone.
The look of horror across Eleanor’s face? Priceless. “Oh no. You… You know that place? What are you some kind of… super monster truant officer?”
"Otherwise known as a teacher, yes," Jaye said. Ugh, that felt dirty. "So it looks like it's my job to bring you back. Because of the truancy."
Which she only just found out about, since she'd only been around since the start of summer.
“If I get you a chance to mash it up with TV’s Scott Wolf, will you let me go?” Eleanor asked hopefully.
C’mon. Who can resist the boyish charm of Scott Wolf?
"No! I have a…" Okay, she didn't have a boyfriend, but maybe kind of a crush? And she'd kind of gotten over the Scott Wolf thing when she was a kid, and no one was ever allowed to know there'd been a thing. "No. I'm being responsible as a teacher and taking you in."
She was pretty sure she could hear the wolf shirt saying something muffled.
Eleanor scrunched up her face in frustration and fumed. “Fine. One thing first.”
She took a deep breath. Held it for a moment. And then started shouting: “SHIT! BALLS! MOTHER FUCKER! FUCK! FUCK! AND DOUBLE FUCK!”
She closed her eyes and then exhaled. “I’m going to miss swearing,” she said wistfully and stuffed her cancer scarf in her pocket. “Okay. I’m ready now. Let’s go,” she said walking away from the Sunglass hut.
"And somehow that was the weirdest part of all of this," Jaye said, following closely enough that Eleanor couldn't make a break for it without getting tackled.
[NFI & NFB due to distance - Preplayed withfates_jaye who is awesome.]
Well, she’ll say she’d cut you but chances are she’d just call you “basic” and strut away feeling triumphant in her successful winning of said argument.
Now you might think that Eleanor had been spending her time away from Fandom doing something productive towards the betterment of society. If you did then you don’t really know Eleanor.
Eleanor had spent most of her spring and summer “vacation” from school doing what all young girls should do:
1. Scalping epipens on the black market.
2. Got a lifetime ban from the Build-A-Bear workshop.
3. Briefly flirted with Kid Rock on Instagram.
4. And finally she was banned from babysitting in the city of Elkridge for allowing a 9 year old girl to watch “The Shining” and “Doctor Sleep” in one sitting.
However it’s her most recent escapade that has all of Eleanor’s very short attention span: Her most recent attempt to scam the Make-A-Wish foundation into meeting Scott Wolf. It involved a very long application process that she had given up on twice and then finally finished and mailed off in a drunken evening that involved tequila and the above mentioned flirtation with Kid Rock.
Miracles of miracles, her make-a-wish application was granted. Which is why Eleanor was at The Gallery Mall in Baltimore, near the Sunglass Hut waiting for Scott Wolf to appear in her best “I’m very sick but also very bangable” outfit. Really it was just her usual outfit but she added a scarf around her head to hide her “bald” head.
“C’mon Scottie,” Eleanor said as she redid her lip gloss. “Time for you to join this party of five.”
That last statement made sense in her head. Don’t question it.
Jaye, meanwhile, was here under duress. And by duress, that meant she'd been guided here in a series of misadventures thanks to every animal-related thing in this damn mall, which is also why she had some Orange Julius sprayed on her, it was a long story, she didn't want to talk about it. But apparently she had to "get some shade," and so she was here, wandering and trying to figure out what she was supposed to do now.
While wandering, she might've bumped into the be-scarfed girl a bit.
It wasn’t much of a bump but it was enough to muck up the sloppy scarf turban Eleanor had put together earlier.
“Hey watch where you’re going!” Eleanor said as she tried to get her hair tucked back into her scarf. “I swear if you ruin this for me, I’ll-”
And then she stopped. And sniffed. “Why do I smell oranges and bananas?”
"That's… not important," Jaye said, and don't mind her being really grateful for something to distract from that, even if she'd be less grateful once she figured out what was up. "Uh, what's with the scarf?"
Eleanor immediately looked shifty. “It’s a trend. Looking sick and bald is a new thing,” she lied as she tried to shove another strand of hair under the scarf. “I’m trying this out before actually shaving my head. Have you considered it? You’d look amazing bald.”
"That is not a question anyone has ever asked before," Jaye said, frowning so hard. Just so hard. "Looking sick as a trend was more of a 90's thing, anyway."
She sort of hated herself for saying that? Just because she hated that she knew that.
“Sheez. Judgey much?” Eleanor said, rolling her eyes. “Look, move along. I’m meeting someone and you’re ruining my vibe.”
Eleanor immediately shifted into looking sicker than she actually was with a mopey expression and emitting a horrible fake cough.
"Bring her back."
Jaye looked around, knowing from that little cartoony deep voice what was happening but needing to see who the culprit was. And to her horror, some tween girl was wearing a shirt that had an anthropomorphic wolf designed to look like the actor, which was now telling her, "Bring her back."
The Scott Wolf wolf of course sounded like Scott Wolf, and this was now a horror show.
"Where?" Jaye asked, frowning at the girl's shirt.
“I don’t know,” Eleanor said trying to get the Orange Julius girl away from her. “There’s a closed Gap Kids over there. Stop being creepy by me and go hassle someone over there.”
"Bring her back."
Jaye sighed. "Are you supposed to be somewhere right now?" she asked. "Somewhere where you're not faking illness to get close to some dimples?"
Eleanor turned and looked at the woman breaking the unspoken code of “never get in the way of meeting Scott Wolf at a Sunglass Hut.” There was no actual code for this but Eleanor decided there should be one.
“Listen, I’d ask if you were my mother right now but you don’t have bleached hair and you’re not pretending to be my sister,” she replied. “Unless you’re trying to hit me up for epipens. If that’s the case meet me outside the Hot Topic in an hour and a half. Cash only.”
Jaye glared at the wolf shirt. The girl wearing said wolf shirt was becoming very uncomfortable.
"Look," Jaye said, "I'm gonna need you to come with me. Security reasons."
Sure, why not.
Eleanor looked Jaye up and down. “You don’t look like a cop. Or a mall guard, Or… anything for that matter.” Eleanor said disagreeably. “And if you’re a cop this is total BS and entrapment.”
It was not entrapment at all. Not even close.
"It's not entrapment if I didn't know you were going to fake cancer," Jaye said, way too loudly.
Eleanor’s posture went from “pretend sick girl” to “Oh shit! Who heard that?!” She whipped her head around just to make sure that Scott Wolf was nowhere nearby which of course caused her scarf to come loose along with some of the hair she had tucked into it. “SHIT!”
She immediately started to try and tug Jaye over to the side. “Okay, look, I may not be Gypsy Rose Blanchard but Scott Wolf will be here any moment. I just want to meet him, gush over him and that’s that. It’s a victimless crime!”
The people at the Make-A-Wish Foundation may disagree with that.
"You could have done that without the scarf!" Jaye pointed out. How were you more terrible than her, Eleanor? "Listen, we need to go."
Because the girl with the shirt was going to say something to her mom any minute.
“Go where creepy lady?” Eleanor said, pulling away. Was that the hairline of Scott Wolf approaching? Eleanor had to get rid of the creepy woman quickly. Best way to do that? Be creepier and weirder. “And don’t tell me you’re not creepy,” she said waving her finger at said creepy lady. “You keep looking at that girl and that's just weird. Weirder than vampires who run bars that never serve you free booze on your birthday. And don’t tell me that vampires aren’t real because they are and so are zombies. They both live at different bars in their own undead fashion. So shoo because Scott Wolf is coming.”
Aha! Jaye's jaw dropped, and she pointed semi-accusingly at Eleanor. "Aha! You're supposed to be in Fandom! I'm supposed to take you back to Fandom!"
She glanced over at the shirt girl, who had folded her arms over her chest, and honestly that was probably for the best for everyone.
The look of horror across Eleanor’s face? Priceless. “Oh no. You… You know that place? What are you some kind of… super monster truant officer?”
"Otherwise known as a teacher, yes," Jaye said. Ugh, that felt dirty. "So it looks like it's my job to bring you back. Because of the truancy."
Which she only just found out about, since she'd only been around since the start of summer.
“If I get you a chance to mash it up with TV’s Scott Wolf, will you let me go?” Eleanor asked hopefully.
C’mon. Who can resist the boyish charm of Scott Wolf?
"No! I have a…" Okay, she didn't have a boyfriend, but maybe kind of a crush? And she'd kind of gotten over the Scott Wolf thing when she was a kid, and no one was ever allowed to know there'd been a thing. "No. I'm being responsible as a teacher and taking you in."
She was pretty sure she could hear the wolf shirt saying something muffled.
Eleanor scrunched up her face in frustration and fumed. “Fine. One thing first.”
She took a deep breath. Held it for a moment. And then started shouting: “SHIT! BALLS! MOTHER FUCKER! FUCK! FUCK! AND DOUBLE FUCK!”
She closed her eyes and then exhaled. “I’m going to miss swearing,” she said wistfully and stuffed her cancer scarf in her pocket. “Okay. I’m ready now. Let’s go,” she said walking away from the Sunglass hut.
"And somehow that was the weirdest part of all of this," Jaye said, following closely enough that Eleanor couldn't make a break for it without getting tackled.
[NFI & NFB due to distance - Preplayed with
fates_jaye who is awesome.]
